found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I need help removing her.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
