The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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