yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
