my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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