he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
