saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
