shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
