what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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