I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
