I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
