It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
