Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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