tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize