my mouth tastes like poor choices
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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