I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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