So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
