I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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