3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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