I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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