Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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