dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
