Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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