I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
