guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
