I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
