dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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