I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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