Kiss
Puke
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
