I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Someone signed my nipple.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
