I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
