you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
