just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
