I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My balls are so social today.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
