i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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