you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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