Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
