I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
