I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
