my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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