Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
