I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
