So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
