Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
