You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
