I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
