Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
