Where is the hickey?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
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Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
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And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.