oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
