I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?