I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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