He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
