fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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