Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We are two peas in an std pod
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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