this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
