We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
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