thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Please, let me fuck your mom
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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