i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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