I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this boner is exhausting
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
