either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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