But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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