If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm at about main and main street
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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