True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
