I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
