It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
