Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
