It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
