I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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