I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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