Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
