i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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