Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
