I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
