most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
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