I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
