i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
