My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
