I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
