he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
When are your genitals available?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
