My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
