walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Randomize
