This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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