overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
