lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
