his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
