My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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