Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
