I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
