There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
