We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
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No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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