I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
